357maclaren

The bass thumps Vibration waves through the deepest crevices of my being It moves me can't stand still unnameable force pulses steady grey matter swaying consciousness fraying what the hell... The heartbeat flow inspiration in my veins like the blood coursing en route to pulsing heart and thumping chest Fingers trailblazers on my scalp eyes clenched shut bitten lip sharply inhale the atmosphere breath shaky bodies pressed together jumping swaying grinding hands crawl everywhere pull closer... lips tongue teeth hands hips skin hands unsure sliding randomly always pulling closer groping clawing sq

I am from Macintosh from Adobe and right-click I am from the attic small, bright, clay stains in the carpet I am from the tree in the front yard I am from the grass filled with fallen crabapples I am from alcoholism and eyeglasses I am from ADHD and bad grades I am from the Walkinshaws and the Murphys Scotland and Ireland I am from The Boar's Rock I am from beer and cheese I am from 'Goddammit Stuart' and 'go to your room' I am from church every Sunday and Wednesday from never quite fitting in I am from mom's loss of both parents before age 19 from dad's substance abuse before age 13 I am from 12 years of birthday cards kept

I'm ripping out pages trying to think of words for you I'm ripping out hairs trying to stifle my words for you It started with I'm sorry honest genuine Then angry, hurtful words not meant Followed by nothing so silently returned Then thoughts started creeping in Dreams of past intimacy Intense nostalgia Regret Now I sit trying to think of her But her face can't help but be replaced by yours I try and I try to no avail to keep you from my mind but i'm lost in the immense void between you and her I see you and him I can't help but be enveloped with envy and images of him in the bed I once shared I